The Gods of Now On Tour – Day 21

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Nope, not dead. Still alive. Should I be happy about this? Hey, just being dramatic.

I get up and go to the spa. Dip in the pool and sit in the steam room – the schfitz – like they call it in the movies. Ohhhhhhh, nice!

Zasta calls and says they’re going for breakfast. Sleep came late but the boys got a few hours. Those days of cheap hotel rooms – the Maximum Rock ‘n Roll are gone for me. My cheap hotel room is in my head. My bourbon soaked spirit can attest to it. But I totally understand why they want to sleep over there – it’s dangerous. It’s alive.

So I have to go and do a few things. My Fender guitar is acting up so I have to find a music store (I know where their’s one near Corydon). I need electronic contact cleaner too. Canadian Tire? Radio Shack? Do they still have that here in Winnipeg? Or is it the Source now?

I go over the bridge listening to Broken, our record – god, it’s so good. And I remember each note being composed, performed, recorded. All of it. And over there I see the path that me and Erin used to walk down when we got off school. I had such a crush on her. She never knew it – It was a secret. I don’t have those now. Nothing that’s mine.

I turn left on Corydon. I remember my old friend Mike used to live right there. And my close friend Bruce (R.I.P.) used to live right over there. We used to go walking down to Polo Park. We used to walk to Keith’s house. We used to listen to all his fantastic LP’s. Read every word written on the gatefold jackets. Fume because his record player didn’t turn backwards. I think it did but Vic, Keith’s dad, just didn’t want us fucking with his turntable. I remember Vic walking into the room and looking at all of us with our mouths wide open listening to some new band or new record from an old band and saying “Kids these days know two words – wow and fuck.”. If you haven’t noticed. I still use them because they are really great words. Wow! Fuck!

And there – Hey I actually know that guy! Wait a minute! It’s Tom (Get out! Get out now!)!!! There are the guys! I bump into them on Corydon – by accident! Wow! What are the fucking chances of that. Fuck! They still haven’t eaten so they’re going for food. I have to accomplish these missions I’m on so I say I’ll meet ‘em all back at the G Hotel. And I drive off.

I’m driving along and I see the Spa/salon that Caroline works at. I’ll drop in. Ha! I didn’t call her first! So I walk in and the whole place turns to look at me. I love the attention. The distraction I am. They say she’s with a client. I just want to say hi and make sure she’s coming to the show tonight. I wait. Finally she sends someone out saying that she’s still got half an hour with the client. No prob, I just peek in the back and wave. She tells me she’ll be there tonight. Cool. I am pretty sure I was totally disruptive to the establishment. Ha! I love that punk side of me!

I hop back into the Banyion and make my way over to the music store. It’s customer appreciation day. They have a band set up – BBQ hamburgers and extra staff on. I ask if someone can help me with my guitar. I’m playing tonight at the Zoo and it’s giving me some problems. Ironically no one can help me! I fucking love irony! Customer appreciation day and they don’t help me. It’s so fucking hilarious.

I go back to the G Hotel – Just in case the boys are back there already. They aren’t yet so I go for dinner alone at Grapes again. Alone, alone, alone. What a state to be in. Today, I like it. Beaucoup, beaucoup.

The hostess – always a hot girl – you know it. She asks where I’d like to sit. I shrug. She says that Bree is bored in the lounge so I’ll give her something to do – that came out wrong but I wasn’t in the mood to tell her that. She seats me at the same table I was at last night. I face the bar and the whole lounge.

There’s Bree. She is a kick ass platinum blond – she looks like a porn star crossed with a debutante. I order. She’s nice but self conscious. This I don’t understand. She’s wearing almost nothing and is clearly the bright light in the room. Why the looking at the ground and self-conscious walk? You wonder these things when you’re alone. You also wish things like “I wanna be her chair with a tongue” or “I’d drink her bath water”. I eat the same meal I had yesterday. Greek salad and a hunk of salmon. It’s good.

I go back to the Hotel. The boys are back. I go for a swim with Tom and Zasta. Back into the steam room. It is Hot! Like walking into a wall of burn. Hot and cold. Alive and dead. It’s time to move out to the Zoo.

We arrive. Right off the bat we meet Steve from Dreadnaut – great guy from Thompson MB. We talk a bit – other lives and tragedy. Straight up nice guy – nicer for letting us play with him. I thank him.

We’re on first so we set our gear. We do this on auto-pilot. We’re ready to go.

I set down the merch. We’re running out. Especially the purple shirts (ha!) and the women’s hot shorts. I sit down with a water that Randi-Lee (one of the hot Zoo bar girls) gives me.

And there they are. Angie and Kristi show up. And they’re as sexy as ever. They’re helping us with the merch. When we come back we’re taking them out to dinner.

Caroline shows up (she a breath of fresh air). Just someone familiar. Kristina her friend too. Then Juice and Tara.

A moment for me? No. I suppose not. That would be asking too much of this life – any of the lives I’ve lived with Josephine, Juliette, Melisande or any of the rest that have left scars on my psyche. This should be no different.

The place is filling up and we’re on. Full circle from where we started, remember? So much has changed. And I have learned nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just changed. How can that be?

I look at Caroline who wonders why I’m not on stage. I say, watch. And I point to the stage just as Zasta once again aligns the time line of our lives. Now seconds beat at 200 bpm. Time is ours. Alex pulls the spine of the earth and she moves because of it. Jon fills the air with electricity. Lightning of sound.

And I walk out and straight to the front of the audience. I open my arms wide. All of them are mine. Whether they like it or not.

I walk to Alex. He hates me as much as I hate him. He hates to even look at me. I don’t care why. But I hate him back. With everything I am. I’ll deal with it in exactly three songs…

I walk over to Jon. He’s intense, grinning. I can’t help but grin back. Tonight is something different – we’re all different. We all have learned nothing.

I pick up my Kate and hold her. She’s with me 100% of the way. She’s an angel. She’s a devil. And she loves it when I make her scream.

I walk over to Zasta. He’s too busy controlling time and changing lives to bother with me. Wait a minute. No he’s not. He snaps his eyes up and sees me waiting to be pushed too far. It only takes a moment. Four cut time pulses in our lives. Our lives that will never be the same again…

One: Like I’ve said, it helps when the friends you have are talented muthafuckers. Two: But this is beyond that. Three: This is to the very core of what drives us. Four: This is the hand of fate clenching into a fist and…

The show is over.

From now on if you want to know what we’re like live… Come and see us. I can’t explain it – and I’m pretty damn good at explaining things, don’t you think? It is sight, sound and performance. It is love, hate and pleasure. It is shaking our fists at God and at ourselves. It’s who we are and who we’re becoming. It’s absolutely Now. And it is everything.

Alex and I don’t hate each other anymore – we’re perfectly fine. Zasta is quiet. Balanced once again. Jon is comfortable. We have learned absolutely nothing.

We pull off our gear in record time. And we tetris up the Banyion. And who should appear beside me but Hollie the girl we played to acoustically in our rooms the last time we were here. But she isn’t looking like any housekeeping staff girl I’ve ever seen. Holy fuck! This girl is a knock out! She tells me that she could smell me for a week after I gave her the two cheek Quebecois kisses. I give her a big hug. I’m from Montreal.

Caroline is with me. She tells me that from the first scream she was done. She loved it. That made me so happy to hear. Fuck conditional happiness. It was so fucking great to hear that someone that I wanted to get it, got it. Wow! Fuck!

And now I’m tired. I go and tell Zasta that I’ve had it. I’m going back to the Hotel. I leave.

I’m in a fantasy.

I’m in the moment once again. Can I have nothing to myself at all? What belongs to me? I’m stretched so thin. But I think I can reach you. Over time and distance – you are there and I am here. My moments alone are moments with you. And I’m keeping them. They’re mine. I’m a private guy. I told you this. You’re mine. And that’s that.

I fall asleep. Dreaming about being anyone but me.