The Gods of Now On Tour – Day 22

I open my eyes. It’s 8 am.

The phone rings. My two little girls saw a show about bending spoons with your mind. 14 bent spoons later… “Did you do that with your minds?” They said “Sort of.” Gotta give it to them for the effort.

I fall asleep after I put the phone down. I open my eyes at 11am! I never sleep that late. Someone connected to me must have gotten up at 9 then, because life is balance. It works that way.

I shower and Zasta calls from the Zoo. Big after show party. Rock and roll and no sleep ‘till Brockville or Steinbach or whatever the hell town in Manitoba. Gonna meet them over for breakfast.

Caroline and Kristina want to go too, Caroline told me, so I call. Such energy in the morning! “I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” I say.

I pat the Banyion on the nose as I walk by. She’s been acting up. Needs some attention. I fire up the beast and away I go. Whooo-hooo!

The last place I lived in Winnipeg before I moved was right behind Caroline’s apartment downtown. All I remember about the place was recording a killer drum sound in a utility closet and the endless number of fire alarms in the middle of the night.

There’s Caroline sitting on the step. I pick her up. What a little rock star with her big sunglasses on! We go over two streets to pick up Kristina. We drive over the bridge and we’re in The Osborne Village.

It’s the “colorful” street in Winnipeg. It’s fun there all right. And that’s probably, mostly due to the Osborne Motor Inn that is plunked down at the end of the street. It’s known, as I said a while ago – as the Zoo. This is the Foufounes Electriques of the West. It’ll smack your ass and call you a sissy if you go there expecting anything other than REAL. It’s dirty, it’s rock, it’s sexy and seedy. But we love it.

I place the Banyion in the front drive of the Zoo and we all meet up and go to Stella’s. Alex wants to work out – like usual but he’ll always opt for some food if it’s available. Once again – the best breakfast place in Winnipeg. Their food is all free range and fresh. It’s not any more expensive than anywhere else you could go for a large portion, tasty and healthy breakfast. Ham omelet, eggs, yogurt and granola, fruit cup. All straight up breakfast tuck. Excellent. I notice that Tammy puts Ketchup on everything. My dad used to do that, so does Alex. I’ve always found this a strange but endearing habit.

Tom (Do it Now!) suddenly comes in. He grabs a root beer and an orange juice. I didn’t ask him if it was good. He seemed to like it though. Yeesh.

Now we need to do some laundry. So we go to a nearby Laundromat. Everyone comes along. It’s funny to watch as these girls sit outside and TGON is in the Mat doing their laundry.

But there we are. A happy, dysfunctional, sexy group of friends. Connections looking for anything to hold onto. Searching for meaning. No shadows in the bright sunshine. Some times it looks like diamonds reflected in our eyes.

Tom is using Kung-fu to kick wasps away and pick up girls walking by. He doesn’t score a hit on either.

A little walk to the Forks with Caroline – I’ve never seen it. I moved before it was there. Very pretty but like usual time is pulling me by the scruff of the neck.

Banyion loaded up and ready to go. And it’s “see you later”. A silent wave of a hand, a sad but lovely smile and then the sound of that stupid thing that makes life unfair. See you later.

We seem to have lost the small set of keys to the Banyion. Zasta figures that he must have left them in the room at the Zoo. S’ok. I’m sure we’ll find them. Besides Tom has parked his truck in front of the Zoo so he’ll grab a ride back. In two minutes were back there.

Holly is at the front desk looking so adorable.

We go up and look for the key. Nothing. We come back down and I say my last good bye to Holly. I hope she finds someone who recognizes who she is. She’s something.

Outside Tom opens the door to his truck and puts the key in the ignition. He then gets out to tell us that he’s going to call his brother to borrow his car and come to Kenora with us for our show tonight. He closes the door to his truck and immediately falls to his knees. His arms outstretched to the heavens and a wordless scream emanates from him. Actually he just yelled “Fuck! I locked the keys in my truck! Fuck!” Alex and I are in hysterics.

The next thing I know I see him using a coat hanger to try and unlock it. It’s not working at all until…

Jon Fact #4
Jon can open any locked automobile in less than 14 seconds.

So Tom gets his keys. We pile in the Banyion and follow Tom until he turns off. We keep going. We have a show in Kenora.

We buy Pringles select and coffee and don’t stop until we get there. We’re warned from The Record Company back home that this gig may not pan out because our booking guy can’t get in touch with the guy he booked it with. And then, to make matters worse, instead of trying to figure it out himself, he gave the job to our Record Company to fix. So, AMP (our life line to reality) called to fix the mess. Unfortunately the guy who was putting on the show in Kenora wasn’t there (so said his dad) but who can blame him – hockey comes first – ESPECIALLY FOR A 14 YEAR OLD BOY!

Sigh. We all sigh.

So, not surprisingly, when we get there the place is all locked up tight and dark.

We drive to the hotel. Then it’s to Boston Pizza. We look at each other and eat our salty food. Can’t complain though. It’s the only thing open.

We go back to the Hotel. Alex goes to sleep in the Banyion. He says it’s the best sleep ever. I understand. I slept in the back of my other Rock Van for years. All great sleeps.

I lay with my eyes open for a moment. I think of what is in front of me. I think of what is behind me. What I want and what I need. I think of you…

I close my eyes.

Sigh.

The Gods of Now On Tour – Day 21

Nope, not dead. Still alive. Should I be happy about this? Hey, just being dramatic.

I get up and go to the spa. Dip in the pool and sit in the steam room – the schfitz – like they call it in the movies. Ohhhhhhh, nice!

Zasta calls and says they’re going for breakfast. Sleep came late but the boys got a few hours. Those days of cheap hotel rooms – the Maximum Rock ‘n Roll are gone for me. My cheap hotel room is in my head. My bourbon soaked spirit can attest to it. But I totally understand why they want to sleep over there – it’s dangerous. It’s alive.

So I have to go and do a few things. My Fender guitar is acting up so I have to find a music store (I know where their’s one near Corydon). I need electronic contact cleaner too. Canadian Tire? Radio Shack? Do they still have that here in Winnipeg? Or is it the Source now?

I go over the bridge listening to Broken, our record – god, it’s so good. And I remember each note being composed, performed, recorded. All of it. And over there I see the path that me and Erin used to walk down when we got off school. I had such a crush on her. She never knew it – It was a secret. I don’t have those now. Nothing that’s mine.

I turn left on Corydon. I remember my old friend Mike used to live right there. And my close friend Bruce (R.I.P.) used to live right over there. We used to go walking down to Polo Park. We used to walk to Keith’s house. We used to listen to all his fantastic LP’s. Read every word written on the gatefold jackets. Fume because his record player didn’t turn backwards. I think it did but Vic, Keith’s dad, just didn’t want us fucking with his turntable. I remember Vic walking into the room and looking at all of us with our mouths wide open listening to some new band or new record from an old band and saying “Kids these days know two words – wow and fuck.”. If you haven’t noticed. I still use them because they are really great words. Wow! Fuck!

And there – Hey I actually know that guy! Wait a minute! It’s Tom (Get out! Get out now!)!!! There are the guys! I bump into them on Corydon – by accident! Wow! What are the fucking chances of that. Fuck! They still haven’t eaten so they’re going for food. I have to accomplish these missions I’m on so I say I’ll meet ‘em all back at the G Hotel. And I drive off.

I’m driving along and I see the Spa/salon that Caroline works at. I’ll drop in. Ha! I didn’t call her first! So I walk in and the whole place turns to look at me. I love the attention. The distraction I am. They say she’s with a client. I just want to say hi and make sure she’s coming to the show tonight. I wait. Finally she sends someone out saying that she’s still got half an hour with the client. No prob, I just peek in the back and wave. She tells me she’ll be there tonight. Cool. I am pretty sure I was totally disruptive to the establishment. Ha! I love that punk side of me!

I hop back into the Banyion and make my way over to the music store. It’s customer appreciation day. They have a band set up – BBQ hamburgers and extra staff on. I ask if someone can help me with my guitar. I’m playing tonight at the Zoo and it’s giving me some problems. Ironically no one can help me! I fucking love irony! Customer appreciation day and they don’t help me. It’s so fucking hilarious.

I go back to the G Hotel – Just in case the boys are back there already. They aren’t yet so I go for dinner alone at Grapes again. Alone, alone, alone. What a state to be in. Today, I like it. Beaucoup, beaucoup.

The hostess – always a hot girl – you know it. She asks where I’d like to sit. I shrug. She says that Bree is bored in the lounge so I’ll give her something to do – that came out wrong but I wasn’t in the mood to tell her that. She seats me at the same table I was at last night. I face the bar and the whole lounge.

There’s Bree. She is a kick ass platinum blond – she looks like a porn star crossed with a debutante. I order. She’s nice but self conscious. This I don’t understand. She’s wearing almost nothing and is clearly the bright light in the room. Why the looking at the ground and self-conscious walk? You wonder these things when you’re alone. You also wish things like “I wanna be her chair with a tongue” or “I’d drink her bath water”. I eat the same meal I had yesterday. Greek salad and a hunk of salmon. It’s good.

I go back to the Hotel. The boys are back. I go for a swim with Tom and Zasta. Back into the steam room. It is Hot! Like walking into a wall of burn. Hot and cold. Alive and dead. It’s time to move out to the Zoo.

We arrive. Right off the bat we meet Steve from Dreadnaut – great guy from Thompson MB. We talk a bit – other lives and tragedy. Straight up nice guy – nicer for letting us play with him. I thank him.

We’re on first so we set our gear. We do this on auto-pilot. We’re ready to go.

I set down the merch. We’re running out. Especially the purple shirts (ha!) and the women’s hot shorts. I sit down with a water that Randi-Lee (one of the hot Zoo bar girls) gives me.

And there they are. Angie and Kristi show up. And they’re as sexy as ever. They’re helping us with the merch. When we come back we’re taking them out to dinner.

Caroline shows up (she a breath of fresh air). Just someone familiar. Kristina her friend too. Then Juice and Tara.

A moment for me? No. I suppose not. That would be asking too much of this life – any of the lives I’ve lived with Josephine, Juliette, Melisande or any of the rest that have left scars on my psyche. This should be no different.

The place is filling up and we’re on. Full circle from where we started, remember? So much has changed. And I have learned nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just changed. How can that be?

I look at Caroline who wonders why I’m not on stage. I say, watch. And I point to the stage just as Zasta once again aligns the time line of our lives. Now seconds beat at 200 bpm. Time is ours. Alex pulls the spine of the earth and she moves because of it. Jon fills the air with electricity. Lightning of sound.

And I walk out and straight to the front of the audience. I open my arms wide. All of them are mine. Whether they like it or not.

I walk to Alex. He hates me as much as I hate him. He hates to even look at me. I don’t care why. But I hate him back. With everything I am. I’ll deal with it in exactly three songs…

I walk over to Jon. He’s intense, grinning. I can’t help but grin back. Tonight is something different – we’re all different. We all have learned nothing.

I pick up my Kate and hold her. She’s with me 100% of the way. She’s an angel. She’s a devil. And she loves it when I make her scream.

I walk over to Zasta. He’s too busy controlling time and changing lives to bother with me. Wait a minute. No he’s not. He snaps his eyes up and sees me waiting to be pushed too far. It only takes a moment. Four cut time pulses in our lives. Our lives that will never be the same again…

One: Like I’ve said, it helps when the friends you have are talented muthafuckers. Two: But this is beyond that. Three: This is to the very core of what drives us. Four: This is the hand of fate clenching into a fist and…

The show is over.

From now on if you want to know what we’re like live… Come and see us. I can’t explain it – and I’m pretty damn good at explaining things, don’t you think? It is sight, sound and performance. It is love, hate and pleasure. It is shaking our fists at God and at ourselves. It’s who we are and who we’re becoming. It’s absolutely Now. And it is everything.

Alex and I don’t hate each other anymore – we’re perfectly fine. Zasta is quiet. Balanced once again. Jon is comfortable. We have learned absolutely nothing.

We pull off our gear in record time. And we tetris up the Banyion. And who should appear beside me but Hollie the girl we played to acoustically in our rooms the last time we were here. But she isn’t looking like any housekeeping staff girl I’ve ever seen. Holy fuck! This girl is a knock out! She tells me that she could smell me for a week after I gave her the two cheek Quebecois kisses. I give her a big hug. I’m from Montreal.

Caroline is with me. She tells me that from the first scream she was done. She loved it. That made me so happy to hear. Fuck conditional happiness. It was so fucking great to hear that someone that I wanted to get it, got it. Wow! Fuck!

And now I’m tired. I go and tell Zasta that I’ve had it. I’m going back to the Hotel. I leave.

I’m in a fantasy.

I’m in the moment once again. Can I have nothing to myself at all? What belongs to me? I’m stretched so thin. But I think I can reach you. Over time and distance – you are there and I am here. My moments alone are moments with you. And I’m keeping them. They’re mine. I’m a private guy. I told you this. You’re mine. And that’s that.

I fall asleep. Dreaming about being anyone but me.

The Gods of Now On Tour – Day 20

It’s the Long Ride to Winnipeg. We are nothing but ourselves. Zasta in balance. Fighting his own quiet battles that he wants us to presume he’s winning. Alex, simmering. Finally living with direction. It’s fitting that it’s to the East that we are now falling. Jon content in his square meter of humanity. The only one I know who is like this. He tells me with a smile that his mind plays tricks. I have a feeling it does – but what is there can’t be read so easily.

Their are no private moments any longer. All time is a shared relationship. You can be found. You will be found. You cannot be anonymous anymore. I cannot hide. Not from my behavior, not from my past, not from my name. I cannot have a secret or a moment to myself. Just my jealousy talking, but I wish you were here. I want a moment alone with you that no one knows about. Just you and me. We can shout about it later.

-Sigh-

We get into Winnipeg after a few stops for coffee and giving a sticker or two to cute gas station girls.

We check into the Greenwood Inn on Wellington ave, near the airport. What a great Hotel. One of the nicest yet. Ritzy – as they say. In the lobby I notice that there are five weddings happening. It’s filled with hot looking girls wearing dressy dresses. They all think they’re their favorite movie stars. All the guys look uncomfortable in their suits. Rather be hunting or fixing something. Ever look at your girl’s eyes shithead. She’s fucking amazing. Assholes, all of us.

We’re hungry so we go around the corner to Grapes. A resto that me and my brother and my friends that all grew up here used to go to – except ours was on Main street and had too many spoken dreams that never happened – except for me. I did what I said. I’m still doing what I said. (I hate everything right now). But my salad is good. And the waitress is hot – as usual. They were hot when I was a fucking idiot of a teenager too. Now that I’m just a fucking idiot their’s no difference.

Juice calls and lets us now their’s a show on that we should go to. Meet some people. I don’t want to go. I never want to go…

Psychotic Episode #6 (for Tara)

The points of light below me, tracing some brail that I can’t read because I feel nothing but alone. Plate glass holds me from suicide. I’m so high above the street. Without you. I just simply watch this hive. I stand with a Jack, no ice. Straight – I call it. I drink too much. I know. But at the end of all this, the richness of this moment matches the soft ambience of this penthouse, matches the taste of my drink. Here I feel a connection to these lights. I’ve lost all connection to all the other lights of my life so these ones on the other side of the glass and so far below me are all I have left. And now Blackout! How about that? The whole fucking city goes dark.

End Psychotic Episode #6

We get ready to go out. The Banyion takes us into the city and parks herself on River ave near the place called the Cavern Pub.

Their’s lots of people there. I walk in and Juice and Tara spot me. Ahhhh! Yay! Hugs. Tara is always a sight for sore eyes. She’s special to all of us – she lived through Calgary 2008 with us and that’s that.

But me – aw, you’ve just got to put up with me until I leave – And I’m going to leave pretty damn quickly because I’m watching everyone wasted, falling down drunk. I’m in a rage. The Devil has nothing on me. He’s a pansy. A sissy. I want to rip someone apart. The devil owes me.

I’m introduced to many people. Everyone seems to like me. Stop it! Why don’t they stop it! Leave me alone. I’m introduced to a very nice girl named Kristina and her best friend Caroline. Caroline’s eyes stop me raging. Is a moment like that private? In the middle of a crowd – silence for one second. But then it all crashes in. And I’ve got to get out of there…

I’m outside ready to walk up the stairs – and Tom (Get to the choppa!) our go-to guy, comes in! I love seeing this guy! He should have come with us on the tour. He’s crucial for a fucked up time.

I take him into the club and I get pulled into conversations and exaggerations and flirtations. Her smile goes from strange to familiar quickly. I have to leave.

I walk up the stairs and go grab a coffee down the street. I meet a very petite and wayyyyy too tired Argentinean woman asking me which Starbucks coffee I’d like and that she’s acting happy and energetic but the fact is she usually is the one telling actors what to do because she’s studying to become a film director and is moving to California or something… I like her black curly hair and accent. I leave with a wave and head to the Banyion. And their is the traffic guy calling the tow-truck. He gives me a 34 dollar ticket and says that the tow-truck was going to be there in 5 min. Hmmm. I feel that my fucking issues with hyper-awareness might not be so bad – I saved the Banyion from a night in solitary – a night without us.

Awww fuck! I forgot to tell The Gods that I’m leaving. I think Alex has his stuff. He wants a bed at the Zoo – tired of the cot or sleeping with Zasta or Jon. Don’t blame him at all.

I walk in. “There you are!” about 14 people say to me. I have to leave. I’m followed by Tom and Caroline and Kristina. Smokers.

Caroline is a very beautiful, blue eyed French girl. She talks like she’s in a movie. She doesn’t know that but she does. Some Bardot flick where everyone is glamorous and actually say “Ha, ha, ha!” to the sky. Anyway, we talk. I calm down. She works at a Spa/Salon, cats, dogs, Winnipeg, I’m from here, remember? We lived almost across the street from each other. Went to the same 7/11. I hated it here my whole life. I don’t hate it so much now.

See, no private moments. No secrets. I can’t have those. A connection that calmed me. Brought me back to myself. She calls me by my name. Not Schrecker.

We move over to the Zoo. I see my friend Laura, hot little Laura from last time. This time she’s hurt. Her moment is secret tho. She tells me what the problem is and I give her a hug. I don’t like seeing my friends hurting but she’s in her life.

I follow everyone inside and that’s it. I don’t want to be there anymore. Caroline is leaving too. I walk her to her car and she drives me to the Banyion.

I go back to the room and psychotic things are coming true. I open the curtains and I see lights from buildings on the other side of the window pain. I feel totally alone and totally on top of the world. I am in the richest moment I’ve ever lived through – and I’ve lived through so many, baby. You know I have. But this moment is ALL MINE! And their’s no one with me to share it. No one person to tell any secret to.

I think I fall asleep but I may have died, finally and after all.

The Gods of Now On Tour – Day 19

I open my eyes. I’m tired. But what am I tired of? Turning on the wheel? Reincarnation?

We get up and ready to go. We drive out of town and go to a Husky resto. Breakfast is simple but delicious. Zasta had steak and eggs and was amazed at the meat. It was great he said. I have my three eggs over easy and hash browns with toast. Great! Jon has a huge omelette. He says it’s very good. Alex has ham and eggs. The ham is too salty and he’s sure he heard his eggs say that he was a psycho but other than that it was good.

I’m in the backspace of the Banyion. I don’t want to drive through the prairies – I’m from here and, like it did years ago, it suffocates me. It makes me feel like I’m drowning. That’s one of the major differences between prairies and ocean side dwellers. If you fall into the ocean you die so quickly. Mercifully fast it will pull you down. It will fill your lungs and that’s it. The prairies will drown you for a lifetime. Will choke you with dust and chaff until you barely breathe – but you get just enough air for one more day. One more day to dream about a life somewhere else, finding a love that reaches up to the universe and connects you with everything. And today the sun is shining which is even worse. I hated the sun when I lived here. I worshiped the rain, those churning dark skies that would cry all over me. But here the sun is just a hard slow death without forgiveness. I close my eyes and shut out these strangling memories of this flat nothing – this place that broke my father’s back, broke my mother’s mind and wrecked my whole fucking past.

I open my eyes and we are in Regina. It’s 35C. No respite from the sun. No trees. We go to the Hotel. A Howard Johnston’s. There is a small pool with a spa. It’s also under renovations but they’re so friendly it totally makes up for it. We feel sorry for them because the key lock system is down. The whole place is locked but they have to take you to the rooms and let you in themselves. Their are no keys. So no matter what time you get back they have to open the door for you. Yikes.

We’re in the room and I want to go for a swim. I change and make my way over to the pool. There are two girls there. Kelsey and Tyler. They’re having cannon ball, summersault and holding-yer-breath competitions. They insist I’m in. After a few minutes Zasta shows up and is initiated into their games too. He does 6 summersaults but I do the biggest cannon ball. Both Kelsey and Tyler are very impressed with us. They don’t care at all that we play in a band. But then 10 year olds have a completely different outlook on life – They’re so cute and hilarious and make me totally homesick.

We get ready to go to the club – called The Club. It’s easy to find. We go in and talk to a guy who says the show is expected but no one is there yet. We need to talk to Carla, he tells us. She’s the woman running things tonight. Okay. So, we have time for dinner. The guy tells us about a great little vegetarian resto called The 13th Avenue Café and we plow over there.

This was the best meal I’ve had so far. The presentation was fantastic and made me want to eat the great food. Hummus, baba ganouj, olives and falafel. Fantastic! Zasta has something similar except it wasn’t falafel it was tabouleh. Excellent! Alex and Jon, sad because they haven’t got dead cows anywhere around them, have a chicken sandwich each. They say they’re fresh and tasty. Alex says the reflection at the bottom of his plate is menacing him so he would have rather had matt dishes then shiny ones. But that aside, it is a terrific dinner and is all under budget! If you go to Regina you must eat at The 13th Avenue Café. It’s a small place but it has a relaxed vibe, friendly staff (they say things like – “You cleaned the plate! You must have been hungry!”) and the most spectacular fuel that will make your body run smoothly.

We head back to the Club. We want to drive in beside the front door but pylons block it. Their’s a guy who sits in his car and who gets out to talk to us. We can go into unload but the trains go by here so you can’t park. Umm, okay. So he moves the pylons and we drive in.

We unload our gear.

Carla is inside and she’s very nice. She tells me that this is our show so we need to supply everything – door person, etc. What? This wasn’t told to us by our booking agent. He simply told us we needed to rent the room and that once the rental was covered by the door the rest would be ours. Sigh. At least the local bands playing with us had time to bring their friends…

…the local bands (great guys all of ‘em) weren’t told about the show until the previous after noon when they were contacted on MySpace by our booking agent. They keep saying with sympathy “You’re booking guy is royally boning you guys!” and “Holy lick! You’re paying a guy to set this up? You gotta rethink you’re plan buddy.” Now, I can’t argue with their sentiment, but honestly, if you know anything about me and TGON, you know we’ve got our shit together. Our business is like our kung-fu – top shelf. It is very difficult to remain positive about an associate or hired agent when this is happening more and more – and it doesn’t seem to affect him either way.

Carla – the very professional and kind woman who was in charge for the night also seemed very disappointed in our booking agent. And more concerned because we aren’t the only band that he booked with her and if this is the fate of our band on this night, what of the other bands he has coming through her doors?

Karma is karma. Everyone will get what’s coming to them. At this point it’s beyond my control – if this upsets anyone – do your fucking job.

I’m smiling as people tell me how comedians and poets are the only people who use this room. How that in their words, “You came all the way to Regina and you’re playing here?” How a great woman, the manager from the Gaslight Bar (“where ALL the rock bands who come through play”) told me the name of her booker there and that we would have had a packed place”. Wow. I’m smiling and nodding and staying positive. Back in the day I played pizza places because it was the only place that was available. I can play here and still rock… We’re here to play.

The girlfriend of one of the band members of “12” the first band is named Stephanie. She is so nice and pretty too. Lucky man plays the drums for his band. She volunteers to do the door for us. We need a quota to pay for the room – we all have our fingers crossed.

We set up the merch right by the door. We sell.

I’m sitting sipping a coffee when two women walk in. The tall statuesque woman who looks like a model but dressed like a sexy 80’s rocker smiles at me briefly. I have to ask her name. Maya. I tell her she’s beautiful. I’m not flirting. I’m just observing. It’s the same thing I do when I see Lake Louise, or a Dali, or hear the Nature Chord – I say “How beautiful”. But to me a woman is the ultimate work of art – complex, simple, stunning, inspiring, magical. I express it by saying a word that tires to put a frame around something – hey! It’s better than saying, “Well, for a bi-pedal being of the mammalian genus, you gush with feminine pulchritude”. Yeah, no. I’ll just call her beautiful. She thanks me for the compliment. Her friend she’s with is a wild red head named Kristin (sp?) and the girlfriend of the singer from “12”. He also saved the entire night by bringing his sound gear. He said he had showed up earlier and there was hardly a PA to be seen so he scooped up his and brought it with him. Now he’s a great guy.

Steph and I talk. Her sis is a popular folk singer in the west and her boyfriend is in the band – I bet she likes stray dogs. She’s very kind. And very pretty, but her boyfriend is a stand up guy. And she’s a banker! Yes. That’s right. A hot banker was our door person! I gave her a shirt for her trouble. It’s funny. We have so many different styles, especially for women. And she chose a straight up black Tee with the logo. I’d have thought she would have taken a purple one (almost sold out) or a blue tank top. Banker by day, rocker by night? Intriguing.

“12” plays their very first live show. Nathan the drummer has his first live show in years. And they’re just fine. They’re having a ball up there and so are we watching them. The bass player in particular looks like he’s on the moon – of course – ahem – he might be – Ha! Just kiddin’ buddy! Look over there!

A League of One are the other local band and they very graciously let us play second so we can play to the most people. Thanks for that – we owe you guys one!

We play and kick ass. This is one of the MAIN benefits of playing on the road. You become tight – grade 9 tight – really fucking fast. We growl through our set and I’m dead for it. But fuck did it feel good! And the sound was fucking awesome – Thanks again Andy!

A League of One plays. Okay, if you get a chance, you have to see them. They are, first of all, very talented players – second – they’re fucking hilarious (you have to hear “I’m just a lonely garbage man”). I was so entertained by their full on, meandering, fast, slow, ballad, cock-rock, saga, instrumental, mental love songs that were as loud as they were long as they were great to listen to. The guitar solos in particular were very well composed and very high level.

I go next door to the Exchange – “This is where bands that are really booked by real booking agents play” – so the locals tell me – once again I smile. I’m staying very positive about this. I have tools to deal with these blows to my self-esteem. I really don’t like being made to feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. In the past this would cripple me into a shit load of bad behavior and retaliation. Now, I can honestly say that it’s all okay. It is what it is. What they are saying doesn’t reflect on me or my band, just on the persons responsible.

So anyway – next door there is a Cuban band playing with a kick ass flutist. But it’s very middle of the road. So it’s boring – even though it’s exotic – I’ve seen many better Cuban bands. But it’s nice.

The Show ends and we grab the guitar stand that we lent to A League of One. We never lend gear so we clearly liked these guys. We bring all our gear out to the Banyion. The boys and girls from “12” are there placing bets on the fact that they don’t believe that we can tetris up the Banyion and still have room left over for us. “Holy Lick! Their’s no way you’re going to be able to put all that in there.” Nathan, Steph’s boyfriend said. Now we say Holy Lick – but only when we refer to a great looking girl.

Everyone around us is so nice and supportive. “If we had more time we would have packed the place!” and “When you guys come back – then we’ll do it right for ya!”. I grab our bottle of J.D. and pass it around – everyone is feeling great. Especially us. We’ve made great friends here in Regina and that’s why we’re here.

At the end of the day we exceeded our quota that we needed to meet at the door.

Carla is extremely nice to us. She gives us extra gas money. This is a woman we will always have no problem working with. She is great people and understands bands. She knows we are almost helpless but fierce about what we do. She didn’t like seeing us put into the position we were in tonight. I like her.

We go to Denny’s – like all good bands do. We look at the menu and ask the manager to come out. Nice girl named Sheela. We explain that we’d like a contact name cuz we need to get in the late night menu for the next time we release a record. It turns out Denny’s is rebranding itself. More edgy and late night. Where else do you go after things close at 2 am in the West? We have Nachos. Alex has a sandwich.

Once again we feel very spoiled to be from Montreal. Je t’aime ma belle ville.

We go back to the Ho-Jo’s. Our little friends Kelsey and Tyler told us the people who work there would NEVER let us into the hot tub late at night. (and yes they yelled “NEVER”!).

Meranda – who was there when we arrived earlier today and is there now at 3am (she must be so tired) is still at the desk. She asks if we need to have her unlock the door for us. I tell her yes, and would it be possible for us to use the hot tub. She looks at all four of us and says “Go for it!” Clearly Kelsey and Tyler have been banned after a certain time. Ha! Great!

Now I miss home. I want to see people who know me by another name. I want to be in my studio. I want nothing to happen for a while. That would be fine. Just fine.

Good night.

The Gods Of Now On Tour – Day 18

I open my eyes and look around. It’s 7:38 am. I didn’t fall asleep until 5 am I think. I need more sleep. I close my eyes.

It’s 9:46 am. Ahhh, that’s better. Energy. I think I’m back to normal. The world is once again in front me. Like it used to be. And you’re in there somewhere. All I have to do is find you.

Me, Alex and Zasta are up and ready for breakfast. Jon turns over and says he wants to sleep. I’m so energetic.

So we walk to the hotel resto for eggs. We sit down. I immediately take my little pad of peanut butter that I always eat at breakfast. The waitress with, as Zasta points out, invitingly milky bosoms comes up and flatly says “You’re disgusting!” Oh yeah! I’m ready for this. I put my arms out invitingly and say “And good morning to you too!” She’s cool. I have three eggs, toast and hash browns. Zasta the same (but he gets rye I get brown toast). Alex has oatmeal and yogurt. We eat and it was good.

The hotel gives us coupons for some money off (2 bucks off actually) which added up to almost a coffee each. Ah well, better than nothing.

We go back to the room. Zasta is going for a walk in the sunshine. It’s a beautiful day. Alex gets on the comp and starts to straighten out life. I wanna check out the waterpark so I put on my ATTACK suit and go.

I walk in and all is quiet. Their is no one there at all. I look at the massive waterslide and all the fountains that are quiet. I say a few words out loud to hear the echo. “Claim!” I say and “Fabric!” The reverb is astounding. But I want it all to be working – I want the water to flow. So I go to the front desk and ask. The woman comes with me and starts it up.

Holy Shit!!! This place is water world. (See pics/vid). I smash down the waterslide – serious! The river run makes me want to puke – YEAH! And the pool is perfect for a good cooling off.

I sit down in the spa-aaahhhhhh!

I have a breakthrough concerning the backstory on a character I’m writing for a TV show aimed at the same demo as Californication or Six Feet Under. I scribble it in my writing book. The producers of the show want the character to be more real and more flawed. I simply draw off my own background. Yeah, that’ll work just fine.

Forgiveness is strength. Not only for the one who is forgiven but also for the one who forgives. We all fuck up, don’t we? None of us are perfect. I’ve done…questionable things. Was a broken kid (you see right in to me), now I’m a scarred man from those old lonely wounds. But all along the way I’ve been strengthened by forgiveness. Now it’s Alex’s turn.

No one here is ordinary. We act as we do for reasons that are beyond our control. Driven. Always driven on by a mania or desire. We demand to know what is on the other side. We demand to know how far is too far. We need to know what happens when you fall off the edge because walking along it is far too predictable after a while. And then when it happens, self-destruction. Re-invention. Creation. We come back from the other side and we know something astounding.

It all sounds so fucking rock and roll, doesn’t it? It is for civilians looking in. But those close to us, those who care for us, they deserve a rest sometimes.

We’re demanding but all we demand is acceptance. We’re out of control but all we want to ruin is ourselves. We become lost and we need that anchor to bring us back.

Alex is here, like the rest of us, for his reasons. The road changes a man. Driven around the world by insatiable lust for life. No matter how much you look at this ball, this circle, this ring, it is never the same. No beginning and no end. No matter where you start out, or leave off, or pretend to finish. You go around and get back together where you were and it’s never the same. It’s never what it was. It cannot be. It’s better. It’s different as it is new. And new is right Now. And right Now is as it should be. And Alex has found something astounding. But you’ll have to ask him.

I get out of the spa and go back to the room. I change. Jon’s hungry so we go to the Hotel Lounge and he grabs a club sandwich. He needs to eat so it’s fine but it is not that great, he says. Then we notice that their’s musical instruments set up. I ask if we could play there tonight. The manager says “why not?”.

Cool, it’s great to play. But we almost immediately think about the logistics of it. We’re a fucking out of control live act – now playing the lounge at the Travel Lodge. I dunno if this is such a bright idea…

Speaking of stupid ideas – I have a FlipCam. These are excellent little iPod sized video cameras that have a USB port built into it. You just shoot your vids (with sound and amazing picture) and then dump it on to your comp. Our vids are done like this. – yes, yes, they’re coming!

Anyway – I have this bone-head idea to take the FlipCam down this crazy waterslide. You know, cuz it would be fun to slide down with you – this is sort of what it would be like. Jon would be at the bottom and I’d throw him the FlipCam just as I enter the pool.

I know – what a great idea right? And before you think we just impulsively do things without thinking them through (well, Alex does, but maybe not so much anymore) I grab this little plastic cup about the same size as the camera to use for a practice run (see vid). So Jon’s ready at the bottom and I slide down and chuck him the little cup. He just misses it. It hits his hand, but we figure because he was taping the practice run, he’d have caught it using both hands.

Let’s do this thing.

I take the FlipCam up the waterslide with me. I do it. No turning back now! Through the tunnel, shoot to the corner – down the spiral and there’s the end. Up I throw it. And it touches Jon’s hand in just the same way the plastic cup did. And SPLUNK! Right into the pool. Ahhhhh! I dive for it. We take it out. It’s soaking wet…and dead.

Who’s idea was this? Fuck, too much time on our hands. I’m an idiot. Well, I dry it under the hand dryer for a little while. Then I put it in the sun for about 15 min. The big moment of truth. I turn it on. Sigh.

We go back to the room and I take the little bugger apart and then leave it there. We’re hungry so we need to look for food. I’ll go ask the front desk.

I change into my clothes and walk to the front desk. I could not believe, looking at this girl, that I was in Medicine Hat, Alberta!

Amanda seems to be a popular name out in the west. That’s okay. It’s a very sexy name to begin with. She has long, strawberry-blond hair. And pale skin. Small features, and oh so very pretty. She reminds me of the kind of girl a vampire would go for immediately. But the most attractive thing is this sadness that surrounds her. Like a Calvino linen, it envelopes her, makes her ascend up to some heaven that I’ll never know.

She tells me that their’s a good resto down the street. I tell her we’re playing later and hope she can drop in. She has no context for any of this. But she smiles so I’m happy I got to see that.

We get ready and pile into the Banyion. We’re hungry and want to break out of our lack of energy. We’re hoping the food will do this for us.

We see a Seafood resto. We all have misgivings. We’re in the middle of Canada. Seafood? Not really. We go in anyway. Look at the menu. Everything is fried.

Psychotic Episode #5.

I glance over at the tables. They’re fried too. The cook in the back is currently frying his hand. He looks over and sort of chuckles and says “It’s like a hot glove, eh!”. Two hot waitresses wearing bikini’s are slashing boiling cooking oil on each other – just like in a beer commercial – they’re giggling! The patrons are sipping iced oils while eating fried vegetables – I over hear one of them say the veggies are because they had pie at lunch so they have to watch it. But it’s a good thing it’s all you can eat.

End Psychotic Episode #5

Zasta says, “this isn’t the kind of food I eat”. I nod. We leave.

In the parking lot walking to the Banyion. Two girls wearing black are smoking behind a Starbucks. I glance at them and get almost to the Banyion when we hear…

“Ahrga Biark! Ibglik! S’potep!”

Whaa?

We look over and they’re looking at us and smoking.

“Whaaa?” one of us says – or all of us. What the hell does “S’potep” mean? We walk a little closer.

“Are you guys in a band?” The girl with nicely done purple eyeshadow asks.

We all check our own zippers.

“Yeah. The Gods Of Now”.

They’re Eden and Raven. They both work at the Starbucks. They’re very friendly. We talk a bit. We have to have some kind of context here. Once that’s established we find out a good place to eat. They tell us that if we keep going on the road we’re on their’s a Moxie’s and a Montana’s. Cool. We go.

We actually see a Kelsey’s so we go there. Great choice! Valerie from Magog is our waitress! Ahhh, we all become homesick in two seconds. Elle est vraiment une belle fille! Just so nice to be around. So nice to look at. Girls from Quebec are a national treasure.

I have a salad that Valerie suggests. It was great. Instead of chicken she put salmon because I don’t eat meat (chicken, pork or beef). Jon had a Philly steak – he said it was the best he’s ever had! Zasta and Alex had hamburgers. Zasta loved his. Alex complained about something – I think it was something about the radius of the top bun not matching the bottom one.

We get the bill and it’s time to leave. Everyone watches as we each give two kisses to Valerie and say “a la prochaine”.

Now it’s back to Starbucks for attention and coffee. I walk in and I see Raven say to some hot little number “their’s the guys I was telling you about.” We say hello to her and Eden once again and are introduced to others. The hot little number is named Chelsie and they all say that she is a foam expert.

..?

Umm. I look blankly at Chelsie and say “You really shouldn’t say that to a rock band on the road.” She doesn’t hear me. But Raven does and laughs. Cool.

Eden hooks us up – she is the manager. So nice to have a friend with coffee as her power.

We say good-bye and go back to the Hotel. We talk about playing on the way there. We’re kind of pissed about the fact that some of these shows we’ve been playing are last minute shit gigs where no one knows we’re playing until the day before. Less time in some cases. In once case the bar DIDN’T know we were playing. We hate this.

Do we really need a rehearsal? No. We all agree that if their are people there we’ll play. It would be even better if we could use the drum kit that was there. Cheap ass kit but better then lugging the whole of Zasta’s in.

So we get back and go into the lounge. There are people there! We’ll, actually person. An old lady playing a poker machine. We all look at each other… Naaaa!

I go to see Amanda and tell her it’s too much effort. God, does Alberta even know she lives here? She’s the kind of girl you remember forever – She’d be great in a music vid.

So, now that we’re not playing I’ll see how much damage I did to my FlipCam. I go back to the room. It’s a skeleton of her former self, my FlipCam. All apart, no buttons and just her naked screen showing. I put the batteries back in and turn it on.

Nothing…wait! There are lines on the screen! Wait! Color! Oh my god! IT’S ALIVE!!! I immediately dump down the vids that are on there onto the comp. Wow! We all can’t believe this thing came back from the dead after been plunged into over chlorinated pool water! We’re going to write the company to tell them how amazing this little thing is.

I put it all lovingly back together. It’s as good as new.

So now we’re going to try it again! Well, come on. It’s only a bone-head idea if it DOESN’T work. If it does – it’s fucking awesome.

And it works! (See vid).

We tried it with a pen first. And Jon got it without a problem. So we did the real thing. And he caught it. Now their’s nothing better when a risk you take works out. Nothing better at all – except doing it AGAIN! Yeah! So we do it again. And it works! Again.

Now I’m bored with doing that. It was cool, but now – you know, whatever!

Jon and Zasta go back to the room. I swim around a bit and then also go back to the room.

Everyone has their instruments out and are playing acoustically. I grab mine, (they brought it in for me). We worked on things we needed to tighten up and came up with a very cool new intro to the show.

Now I’m laying here wishing this was my bed.

Good night.

The Gods Of Now On Tour – Day 17

It is a better day. I wake up rested. Not Zasta tho. He’s tired today. He’s very ubby. Nice to be around – not cranky but very, very ubby.

We get ready and check out of the Big Horn. They’re so nice there. Anya the cleaning girl is very sweet. We walk over to the restaurant that’s attached to the Husky and have a straight up eggs breakfast. Nice. It’s not anticipated to be anything but good and it is. They know breakfast.

We move out and on to Lake Louise. We have two missions. One to see if Kate the Australian girl will actually leave and come with us to Winnipeg being our merch girl and two, to do the interview between Jon and Schrecker for Elite guitars.

We drive to where Kate works. We walk in and she is more than happy to see us! Yay! She says, jokingly, “Let me go quit my job”. Ha! That would have been sooo fucking cool if she did. Anyway, I totally understand her position. And she scolds me for not emailing her when we were coming back? She could have gotten ready. Obviously she was not expecting me to be a man of my word. But who can blame her? Their aren’t too many pirates around anymore. We give her our cell number because she has to work. So we go up to the Lake do the interview.

We drive up to the Chateau Lake Louise. By now we know the place and are at home. We grab our guitars, cameras and flip cams (like life savers these things be- arh!) and head over to the beautiful teal Lake.

We find the same spot we were at last time. The sun was shining bright and the water was so perfectly teal blue. You couldn’t have wished for anything better. Jon and I take out our guitars, mine I call Kate, after my Australian friend, and Jon calls his…. ($*#%(*)

We go and sit on the rocks and do the interview (see vid). Honestly, I really like my guitar named Kate. She is pretty and is an extension of my subconscious.

We sit at the lake for a good long time. Get our pics taken (see pics) and just look at each other and wonder, because this is the shit tour. It will only go up from here. And here is Lake Louise. We’re either between the legs of nature or a beautiful girl. It’s really quite a life. How can it get any better? But inside me – I know it certainly can.

We go to the Lake Louise Hotel and sit out at the primo table and have the GREATEST Nachos ever! Alex has a Big Rock Grasshopper, Zasta has the same. I have a Jack (big surprise) and Jon has a Coors light bottle. We toast to being alive, being there and being The Gods Of Now. It’s a fine moment.

Tamra and Tad, two American people here to do business in Calgary (bricks no less – Tad says that Bricks are a lasting commodity – if they’re in the Great Wall of China, then that means they must last. He’s got a point). They talk to us about the road, the band and what we are about. They buy a CD from us and get our autographs. It’s for their son. That’s cool. I just tell them to look at the poster before they let him. Their are some very suggestive pics on there. He’s young. Let’s not destroy him before he’s ready.

We pay and leave. What a fucking amazing afternoon!

We go to see what’s up with Kate and at the same time feed the Banyion. She’s almost dry and needs more.

I go and pay and as I come out there she is. Kate. Geeze this girl is beautiful tho. We say hello and then decide to go for a drink at her place. We all pile in the Banyion and head over to the Servant’s Quarters – oh I know, it’s the staff housing but it’s way funnier to call it this!

So we appear at her place and it’s very big and very spacious. It’s very comfy as far as I can see. She has a killer back yard view. Mountains and a river – great! I’m drinking. What? All together now – Jack! Kate’s drinking Vodka. No one else is really drinking anything – except Jon who really has a hard time saying no to anything alcoholic these days (It’s a joke, don’t worry, we’ve got your boy safe and sound) – he’s drinking a beer. Kate wants to hear our music so we bring in a CD and she puts it on, not at her place but at a friend’s place, next door. Two guys, one is from Quebec – great! Hi, heys and so on. And then two other guys show up – oops – too much sausage for TGON. Zasta looks at me and gives me the look that says so. I say, “Where are all the girls in this fucking place?”. No answer. So then it’s time to go. But I like Kate. I don’t want to leave her just yet. I think she has something to tell me and I want to know what it is.

So I ask her to take us to someplace around here in Lake Louise to eat – but not expensive. It’s a tall order but our Kate comes through. She brings us to the Lake Louise Inn. Upstairs. Stay away from the pasta we were told. So we did and had Calzones and Salads. It was very, very good. And not too expensive either.

While there I felt abandoned quite early in the meal. I understood very quickly that Kate has decided that I’m not a good man. It’s strange why this matters to me. I neither know her, nor do I feel that we will ever be friends even though I was hoping so. Maybe this is what I came here for: to feel that a person who I genuinely liked (for no other reason than she was exciting, funny, hot and a fellow traveler – and was a good drinker) really doesn’t like me. This is rare. Most everyone thinks I have something to offer. Kate just keeps looking at me (when she does) and says, “I don’t know how you can be like that”. Well, I might be a fuck up. But at least I’m trying to change. I tell her so. I don’t know why I do. This is something I don’t share with anyone. You can think what you want of me. I don’t care. But our Kate…I don’t know why I wanted to explain myself to her. I never do.

I leave. I can’t stay around this. And it’s not because it affects me negatively. It’s because it’s a waste of time now. (I’m in the bathroom asking Zasta for the keys and he says “You’re not uncomfortable because of us, are you?” (he means the band) Oh my god no! I tell him. My band has seen and heard far worse from me than this. I would share anything with them. I trust them completely. He knew this before I tell him. It really is that this catharsis was unwanted and unlooked for and is highly personal. I didn’t feel it was the time or the place.

I received what I came here for – and now the road is waiting. I want to move on. I was gifted a punch in the face, psychologically speaking. And from a sweet Australian girl at that. I’m glad it was her. It’s why I named my guitar Kate. I was looking for her name for a long time. I found it in Lake Louise. If the one you choose doesn’t fit, it’s not the right one. Kate is the perfect name for this guitar.

My band is quickly behind me, ready to go. I never have to worry about my band. They are more supportive of me than any support group I could ever have. What’s more, they accept me. They might even like me but you’d have to ask them. Ha!

We take Kate down the road to her house. We drop her off and she says good-bye to everyone. Then she opens my door and says good-bye to me, asks me if I’m alright. I say I’m fine. I am. I unfortunately have no attachment to her. I say goodbye. She pushes me away harshly and says, “What is your problem?” And leaves. I watch her the whole time, knowing that I’m not a good man in her eyes. Not a good man at all.

What is my problem? Ahhh, that is the question my dear Kate. What is my problem?. I have so many. All I want to do is connect with people. Be normal like everyone else. Get a job. I want to go to bed at home. I want to have friends. I want to watch TV. I want to be happy. How about that?

And if you can fucking tell me that you are actually happy – go ahead and fucking throw all the fucking stones you want. I’d love to be killed like that! Drilled by a stone in the side of the head, thrown by happy people – preferably from Australia because I have such a soft spot for Australians. I still do – sweetest accent ever! And in Kate’s case – a compete knock-out.

But I’m not worried. No stones are going to be coming my way. Because none of us are happy are we? We go from peak to valley and valley to peak (how about that for a mountain metaphor) having a window open every once and a while that lets us know what it might be like if we were happy… What it might be like if we were stronger, or better, or thinner or nicer or well, just well in ourselves.

Lemme ask you something? What are you running from? I mean it.

Just tell me. What are all of you running from? I’m running from a whole shit load of things…

• Mediocrity
• Passiveness
• Ambivalence
• Love
• Safety
• Morality
• Responsibility
• Maturity

And that’s just a little tiny short list. I could spend a book writing on everyone of those. In fact, Broken, by The Gods Of Now is written, in part, because of this…

Now, I’m sitting beside Zasta as he drives the Banyion on to Medicine Hat Alberta. Running. Running from where I was to where I’m going. Running from who I am to who I’m going to be. Running straight into hell, trying to raise it so we don’t have to go so far.

So? What are you running from?